Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The New Headmaster Decides to Teach Our AP English Class

 February 13, 2011 (Junior Year)
Our AP English teacher, Ms. Regan, had to have emergency surgery and was out for around 6 weeks during which, Mr. Watson, our new headmaster, took it upon himself (about half the time) to teach the class.
 
This is a snippet of an email I sent to Ms. Regan, wishing her well and a speedy recovery, and letting her know how much we all missed her.

As you know, Mr. Watson is now teaching our class, which is making for some interesting interactions between principle and students.  I'm sure you remember the way he spoke over the loudspeaker. Now if you can imagine that in a relatively small space, with four walls, without the PA crackle serving as a buffer between us and the especially earsplitting bits, it's a rather sharp contrast to your quiet, authoritative voice.  Whereas with yours, we were afraid to tune out or start a conversation with our neighbor, lest we miss something detrimental, with his, I think tuning out is some sort of instinctual reaction to save ourselves from the sheer volume.  Maybe he used this tactic to command the attentions of small, fidgety children, but with us I get the impression of an overall feeling of desperation.
It's clear that Mr. Watson doesn't want us to feel that our loving mother has been replaced by this loud step-father, he obviously doesn't want to usurp your teaching thus far, but neither can he replicate the environment you created for us perfectly, and he doesn't want us to get our hopes up that he is going to attempt to fill any one's shoes.  This is all quite understandable, reasonable, and yet I feel that a majority of the class did not realize that this is what he was saying, that it was going to be different, until perhaps our third class with him. 
Mr. Watson offers rather loose, not as analytical interpretations of things compared to your explanations.  This rests the weight of thinking, cutting through mush to the bare essence, the meaning of what we are studying, on us, which I think has thrown some people off-kilter and gives the impression that their responses don't have to be as thought out as maybe they would have been when responding to you.  Personally, I am finding these interactions hilarious and they are even more observable because we now sit in a circle everyday.
One day we were discussing maxims, particularly, "PEOPLE WHO DON'T WORK WITH THEIR HANDS ARE PARASITES." 
Analise, who happened to be sitting directly across from me, jumped right in with her interpretation of this, "I really like this one because I think, you know, it's just so true and...the imagery...the...it's like, you can just imagine some guy in a suit, in, like, an office building, in some corporate job...who just never does anything!"  At this point she was waving her hands around, perhaps trying to show us exactly what he looked like. 
She paused for a moment, and everyone else paused too. In confusion.  I was on the verge of laughter, picturing a business tycoon who just sat at a desk all day, smirking, commanding everyone else to run around madly stapling papers for him - and that's ALL HE DID.
Analise turned to Mr. Watson and said, "You know?"  Mr. Watson seemed at a loss for words. He opened his mouth but Analise got there before him, with waving arms.
"Like, he never does anything for himself, it's always other people who do the work.  And, when I look - er- read this, it just makes me think of people who never do anything with their hands-" Here Zohra and Hannah exchanged frowning glances, Katherine leaned forward like she was going to disagree, Ben had ceased tapping his pencil against the side of his face, and Roop had looked up from the iTouch that was cleverly concealed among the papers on her desk. 
She went on to say, still gesturing by putting her hands behind her back, "Like they don't work with their hands, they only do stuff with their mouth-" She opened her mouth very wide to demonstrate how "they" went about their careers. When this apparently failed to convey her meaning, she started using her hands, forming mouth like shapes that appeared to be pecking at something, while saying, "It's like they feed off the work...they benefit from the stuff that everyone else does, but they don't do anything." Analise paused, looking at her hands extended in front of her. 
Then I said, quite reasonably, I thought, "Would you say a vampire is a parasite?" 
Everyone turned and looked at me as if I'd just suggested that we jump off the roof.  Analise had this look of utter confusion on her face, and said slowly, "N-no." It sounded like a question. I thought to myself, Ah, yes, those carpenter vampires, how could I forget.
So I said, tentatively, "Parasites don't necessarily have to do everything with their mouth...They could also probably do some things...with their hands."  Everyone frowned at me, I frowned at Analise. She frowned back at me. 
Then the room erupted. Approximately 10 people had tried to say something all at once and when they realized someone else was talking, they promptly started shouting, to no one in particular.  It took a minute for Mr. Watson to get everyone under control.
And that was our first class discussion.

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